Peer Pressure

When you are the biggest person around your group of friends they really don't understand what it's like to to try to get healthier and eat a plant based diet. 

What do I need to do?

-eat plant based 

-drink less alcohol

-exercise religiously

-avoid gluten

That's really it... If I do that I lose weight fast and get the physical life I want so much.  

Then the social aspect kicks in all your friends are eating burgers and fries and washing it down with an ice cold beer. (ever been the only one not drinking? It makes people very comfortable). For me I feel pressured to drink or eat what they are eating. All too often when this happens I fall off the deep end and eat too much of the wrong food and drink too much booze.  

I'm at my wits end with this. I refuse to give up and I refuse to allow this cycle to continue.  

I know I can't say forever but my immediate goal is to not to ingest any animal products today.  I'll let tomorrow take care of itself. 

Depression Life and other shit

I've realized after almost 58 years something that I should have known a lot longer.  Life isn't what you say it's going to be. It's what you actually do. 

I was going to rant about shit. in fact I had written a great deal of it. Then I watched the movie Tic Tic Boom and there was a line in one of the songs that said actions not words. I decided to follow that advice. So here goes 

I have 85 more lbs to lose. I want to be able to run a 10k race. I want to be off all meds. (currently on blood pressure medicine) but probably could use an anti-depressant.  These are the facts. They are intertwined to an extend. (the depression is also geography related, more on that later). 

So the game plan is to avoid simple carbs and animal products. Dairy does nasty things to me and simple carbs bloat me. Before I moved from Arkansas to the Illinois Valley I had been a Vegan and honestly never felt better.  I can make all kinds of excuses as to what happened but it all comes back to me and  it being strong enough to with stand the temptations. 

Another factor is my relationship with alcohol. I quit drinking for 103 days again felt great.  When I drink and I don't mean just when I drink to excess my resistance fails and I make bad food decisions. 

The cool thing ablu writing a blog is nobody will read this. Lol 

XXXL to L

 12/25/20 

As bad as 2019 was it doesn’t compare to 2020. I am not going to dwell on this but I want to start off with it. Covid kept the world on lockdown. I spent most of the year working from home. My father’s pulmonary fibrosis won out and he passed on 11/8. I lost 50 lbs gained 40 back in one fucking year. Depression has overtaken me and I’m struggling to get back to me.  

 

It’s not all been bad. I’ve taken strides in poker and have done more studying then I ever have. As I get better and try things my win rate actually dropped. I think I went too far the other direction. I feel confident in the direction my game is heading.  (The depression didn’t help my win rate either).   

 

On my weight and eating plan.  I had to take a long hard look at myself and try to understand how I need to he to get to it goal …  

Here is what I’ve learned  

• I am not good at moderation  

• I’m either on something or I am not 

• I do follow direction 

I decided on Weight Watchers. I’ve had the most success with it in the past.  Also Sarah has lost 75 lbs so far on it. So a few days ago I signed up and paid my money.  I can go more into all this later.  

I believe my weight and physical conditioning have a direct result on how I think and how I play cards also.   

The process for me going forward is to remember that it’s the pattern of my life not the individual item or day that matters.  I am a product of all my activities and not the product of my most recent. THIS IS HUGE 

 

 

Tourney Day

It's about 30 min before the mega satellite starts. The plan is to play smart and make good decisions.

I can't remember the last time I was excited to play poker. I am actually nervous. I need to make sure I stay in control of my emotions and not make stupid plays and moves. 

The main event will be the biggest buy in tournament I've played to date. I can't win the tournament in a satellite but I can lose it. So the plan is grow my stack and not take unnecessary chances.

Made through the satellite. It was stressful and exhilarating at the same time. I never get that rush from cash games. I am tired and have a bit of a headache but I'm going to focus and play smart.

As far as the satellite goes I think I made one big mistake. I opened KJo from UTG and flopped a J and then turned the nut flush draw against a made 2nd nut flush. I was all in and behind 1 time with 78 vs A8 and binked a 7. I called and all in (reshoved) and was heads up with 44 vs A9 and held. I even made someone fold 88. I was also all in with Q9 on a 9 Hugh flop. SB vs BB. SB checked I jammed he t.ank called with the same hand. Chop chop.

I made day 2. I bagged 48,600. I played well. I didn't make too many mistakes and none that cost me a huge amount it chips. I did win one huge hand when I had Jc9c on the button.  I called a 2.5x raise and the flop was KcQc4c. On the turn we got it all in vs AcQh and I held. Then went card dead for almost 2 hours. Folded almost half my stack away and then toward the end of the night 44 vs 33 on a A97T5 board. We did check the turn the river. I was in position so he could not really bluff with he 33.

Blinds will be 500/1000 when we start day 2 so I am in good shape when it comes to big blinds. 

I need to continue to keep my head in the game and play smart.

DAY 2
The day went well I played well and got lucky. I was seated to the right of the person who was 2nd in chips going into day 2. I www able to River a set vs him to win a huge pot then a few orbits later I made a big river bluff to grow my stack even more. I was able to run my 48k up to about 205k. When we got 18 handed (16 paid) I was moved to a table were two really loose players with huge chip stacks were to my left.  I basically had to fold the rest of the day.  Until I finally went out 11th for $1500. So from $85 to $1500 in weekend. I'll take that.

New Life

I have spent too much of my life being passive and not going after what I wanted. I let others control me. My whole life has been this way.  I also procrastinate. Why do today what I can put off until tomorrow was the code in which I live by.  To put it simply I am lazy. 

My goals have shifted for a variety of reasons.  I cannot afford to take a passive approach to life any longer. Of the many reasons why, the major ones are I do not trust all the things I have taken for granted over the past 20 years.  Things change, and they change quickly.  In addition, where I am now has not really made me all that happy and I do not want to live my whole life wishing I had lived the life I wanted.

There are 2 areas that I am going to focus my attention.  The key to all of them is to not be lazy to take control and mostly not waste precious time.

1^st- Health and Fitness… I have been following a Keto diet for about a month and I feel 100 times better. In fact I did not know how bad I felt until I started to feel better.  I will be focusing on losing the rest of the weight and working out.  The food is the easiest for me I need to “force” myself to get to the gym and get that great feeling back.  On my 3 day weekends its easy to make the gym but after an 11 hour work day I don’t often feel like going to the gym.  Not feeling like it or being tired is not an acceptable excuse. 

2^nd – Improving my poker skills and getting to the next level and then the level above that.  Poker study is one of my biggest leaks.  I do spend time listening to audible books but this is often when doing something else at the same time.  I have a membership at Crush Live Poker and try to listen to the podcasts, I do not spend enough time watching the videos, I am not active in the forums and I rarely comment in slack…. Heck I do not read slack enough either. 

Action Plan:

Health and Fitness – the food remains the same, focus on healthy fats and virtually no carbs. The gym I need to work out 4 times a week…. This means 2 out of three days off and 2 out of 4 days worked.

Keep it Simple Stupid

I need to get control of my life. I really do not know what it is about me but I do the exact opposite of what I say I am going to do.

Time to reevaluate my life time to focus on a couple things and just make sure they happen then I can add to that. 

So what is the most pressing thing in my life right now? It’s my weight which has gotten out of control.  I am going to focus on 3 things….

1.  Sleep I do not get even close to enough on work days.
2. Movement….. simply walk for a little while (I can add more later) 
3. Food choices…. Eat a more balanced diet with less refined food. 

They are all inter-woven. 

Lack of sleep I am too tired after working an 11 hour day – solution make the time to go at lunch… that will be just what I do!

Movement making sure I do something will make me tired so I have to sleep

Food choices – carbs due two things to me. 

1. Wake me up so I cannot sleep
2. Makes me feel bloated that makes me not want to move.

I believe the key starts with my food choices when I eat better I feel better and then the other things become easier for me. 

Starting right now I am going to do SOMETHING over my lunch time that requires movement, starting tonight I am not going to allow myself to eat processed food after I get off work.  

All Kinds of Shit Part 2

My 2 weeks became 3 weeks in the cardiac unit of a hospital with my father. It will change your attitude about food, weight and life.

Recently my 77 year old father had to have a valve replaced in his heart and also had another valve that was leaking repaired.  Due to complications the 5 to 10 day hospital stay became a 20 day stay.  I was lucky enough to have enough time saved up at work that I was able to be there with him all day every day.  While my father’s issue was genetic (I have been tested and do not have the issue). He may have been the only person on the floor that was not grossly overweight. The recovery from open heart surgery is long and painful. While there we saw many patients come and go. All had the same struggles to walk again and the pain of relearning so much. 

The majority of the patients had cardiovascular disease as a direct result of years of poor diet which caused obesity.  I looked at myself and reflected on my life.  I have been morbidly obese most of my adult life.  I have had huge weight swings because I went on a “diet” and then went off the “diet” when I reached my goal (or as I got close or whenever a temptation came along). I cannot tell you how many mornings I woke up and said today is the day and ended up eating shit by lunch.  

Walking around the hospital looking at the patients, sitting with my father and looking at myself I became motivated, I chose to stop following fads, I chose to stop selling myself short and I chose to raise my quality of life. I listened to Mark Sisson’s interview on the Joe Rogan Podcast, I had already read most of the book and even lost a few pounds on it but was not fully committed to the lifestyle.  One of the things he said that struck me is… When dieting most people try to figure out what they can get away with on a diet. He chose to figure out what he could live without.  I have used this and it works.

The trip was life changing for me.  I spent 2 weeks eating whatever I wanted, drinking beer and just “enjoying myself”.  I rationalized it by thinking when I get home THEN I will be back on track.  However as the 3^rd week started I felt like absolute shit.  Also, after listening the above podcast along with seeing all the cardiac patients made it easier for me to just stop all of it.  I quit wheat I quit most added sugar (down to less than 20 grams of added sugar a day). I found Whole Foods and ate off their food bar.  I stopped drinking beer and switched to vodka with Perrier. I did not work out… I got home weighed myself and I lost 7 lbs while I was there.  ALL of it was from the last week. I lost the bloat from the weeks before and felt great. 

I have been back for almost 2 weeks I have lost another 6 lbs.  I have remained off the wheat and added sugar… my big down fall has been drinking diet soda I struggle to give that up, but I am will. I am really proud of the fact that I have not slid back into old habits, I continue to lose fat and inches.  In fact I have dropped a pant size dropped 2 from September when I was in Memphis. 

I want to go further into a lot of subjects so here is an outline of stuff I will be talking about.

• Taste buds changing
• Improved ability to exercise
• Lack of bloating
• Eating correct is simple but takes planning

All Kinds of Shit part 1

I have learned so much it's amazing 2 weeks is also the amount of time I have been in St Louis because my father had open heart surgery. 

Let quickly set the stage. I learned so much about myself, food, love and exercise, weight attitudes toward weight. I will address them all over time. 

The why it happened is first. 

I came home to St Louis for a week because my dad was having a valve replaced. There were complications with another valve leaking. So his surgery took twice as long as possible. He then developed pneumonia and could not breath so back on the respirator he went. He was on it for 5 more days. Now he is on the road to recovery but will be a long path. 

Memphis

So went to Memphis alone… the trip was planned with my ex and since we broke up I had nobody else that could go.  I was scared….. I almost did not go but I am so glad I did.  I was able to do what I wanted when I wanted.  I met interesting people  listened to awesome music and had a blast.  I learned a lot about myself… I had a lot of time to think during the drive…. I am so glad I did it. 

 

I arrived Friday afternoonand checked into my hotel… dropped my stuff off and headed for Beale Street.  Beale is blocked off from cars so you can walk as you please. 

 

There were Blues bands playing every where I was in heaven.  I spent 2 hours there then headed for Hall & Oates. The concert was good not very long but good.  I  met a guy from Jackson TN and talked to him as we waited for the concert to start. Afterward I went back to the hotel dropped off my car and back to Beale where I listened to more music and had a few beers. 

 

Saturday, I woke up late (a little hung over) and went to Graceland… I had to wait two hours for my tour…. I saw almost everything.  I was there 4 ½ hours in total.  For dinner I went to Gus’s for Fried Chicken it was AMAZING…… rested at the hotel for a couple hours and back to Beale street.. for a night of music, drinking watching football and meeting new people. 

 

Sunday I woke up and went home… tired happy and ready to head home. 

Graceland

I am on my first trip by myself. I came to Memphis to see Hall and Oates and go to Beale St.  It's been fun so far the music is great!

Today I am going to Graceland  

Curve balls

Life throws curve balls at you. Just when you think you understand you don't. Just when you think things are fine they aren't. Just as you think your problems are the worst and most challenging in the world you learn that your issues are nothing.

When things happen to your kids your perspective changes. It changes in a lot of ways. What are your proirities what is it about you that makes you special. When you're gone how many people miss you? The answer to the last question is very few. Family And loved ones are really it. The truth is we are what we allow to happen to us. What we allow others to do to us and how much we can take. 

The truth is life is hard. It's always been hard and it always will be. Relationships don't have to be and shouldn't be. We make them difficult we allow ourselves to make bad decisions to begin with then we allow ourselves to grow apart. 

My goals are simple to look for things that make me happy and stick with them.